Welcome to The Order of Never Hide, the most non–secret secret society to ever exist in existence.

We are officially off doing officially unofficial super non–secret secret stuff to help the world to Never Hide. But fear not, we are as committed to the cause as we are vague.

Thank you to all our members for their membership and membershipping activities. Your participation shall not be forgotten and shall live on in the online halls of The Order of Never Hide for like, a really long time.


And for those looking for an outlet for your Never Hideness, check back soon for a very special non-secret secret project we will be unveiling right here… on this very page… (Wait for it)… In the FUTURE.

Because as you can see,

Change is coming

Celebrity Caught Not Cheating

Celebrity Caught Not Cheating - Ray-Ban

– Hollywood, California – According to reliable sources, a well–known Hollywood producer, director, and actor, who asks to remain anonymous, was caught this week not cheating on his wife. After some fact checking, sources report that he has in fact never cheated on his wife, even once. His wife who also asked to remain anonymous, when confronted with the news was shocked, “It doesn’t make any sense. I mean you marry a celebrity, cheating is just expected. To hear that he’s been faithful all these years… well it just doesn’t make any sense.” The actor‘s agent released this statement: “My client asks for privacy and your understanding. He openly admits that he understands that as a celebrity, it is his duty to sleep around, but that he for unknown reasons, never found the interest.”

Change is coming

Gas station bathroom found clean

Gas station bathroom found clean - Ray-Ban

– Enterprise, Nevada – National truckers and dehydrated bachelor partiers alike, were shocked when they discovered Las Vegas‘ latest oddity – but it’s not what you’d think. According to reports, a gas station bathroom on the city’s outskirts has been found completely clean. Business inspector and bathroom expert Joe Deuces had this to say, “I’m gassed. When I heard the news, I thought to myself, ‘bull crap.’” When asked about his sparking marvel of a lavatory, the lackadaisical gas station owner, who nicknamed himself the Commander of the Commode simply had this to say, “it’s magic.” His adult son, Ron, who was seen furiously scrubbing the nacho cheese dispenser quickly replied, “If that’s magic, then I’m the Emperor of Japan.” At the time of publication, Ron’s claims of royalty are still unknown.

Change is coming

Teenager talks to parents

Teenager talks to parents - Ray-Ban

– Stockholm, Sweden – Experts have flown in from all over the world to research a recent development in Stockholm, where there are reports that a local teen, known only as Jessie, apparently talks to her parents. “It’s the strangest thing,” said Jessie’s mom, Kate. “She talks to me about her day, school, her friends, she even asks me how I’m doing.” Her last comment sent gasps through the local gymnasium where a press conference was being held. Some experts claimed it was all a hoax, including Adolescent Communications expert, Dr. Stern, who had this to say, “I like totally don’t believe it.” Cameras were eventually setup in the home of Jessie and Kate, where naysayers were proven long by various recordings of long conversation between mother and daughter. When presented the evidence, Dr. Stern replied: “I can’t even.”

Change is coming

Meteorologist predicts weather

Meteorologist predicts weather - Ray-Ban

– Toronto, Canada – It’s been called the greatest thing to happen to weather since the invention of the umbrella sword – a meteorologist in Canada has apparently accurately predicted an entire hour of the weather. “I totally said it was gonna rain… and it rained!” rejoiced veteran meteorologist Al Grisolet. “We are all really really excited. My mom even said she’s almost proud of me again!” Second string meteorologist Jerry Jenkins didn’t seem that impressed, however, going on record saying, “It’s not that big of a deal. I once predicted snow on an evening back in ’99 and it started sleeting within 3 hours.” His negativity clearly had no effect on Al, however, who had already started producing custom T–shirts with his face underneath the title “Rain Man.”

Change is coming

Cab smells fresh

Cab smells fresh - Ray-Ban

– New York, New York – A Berlin couple, in town for their honeymoon, happened upon something extraordinary last week, when they got in a taxi and found that it didn’t smell. In fact, they went on to explain that it smelled great. “It smelled great,” said Uli Botherman. His wife, Uma, agreed, saying, “I agree.” They both seemed to be very pleasantly surprised.“ While the actual cab driver was never successfully tracked down, myths of the uncreatively and dumbly nicknamed “fab cab” have made their way to clubs and business meetings alike, prompting one cab driver to change his own habits drastically, boasting: “Now I only eat in my car sometimes.”

Change is coming

Mime speaks up

Mime speaks up - Ray-Ban

– Paris, France – From the land of croissants and cheese comes something rhetorically delicious, as a semi–unfamous mime has broken his code of silence. “For too long my voice has been silenced. For too long have I stood by without sharing my views. For too long have I mimed by idly, sacrificing sharing my beliefs for the sake of my beautiful craft. It is time the world knew what I had to say. It is time they all knew my true convictions.” The true point of his message was lost due to a faulty tape recorder, but the reporter on scene seems to recall something about bathroom privileges at the mime’s second job as a crepe maker.

Change is coming

Husband gives up remote

Husband gives up remote - Ray-Ban

– Huron, Ohio – A local Ohio woman was in tears yesterday when her husband reportedly handed her the remote control to their television. “He even gave me the controller for the speakers,” she sobbed. “And the one that controls the DVD player,” she bellowed. “And the little silver one we use when we want to watch online content,” she wailed. “It goes to show that with love and time, truly anything is possible. Even this.” She then proceeded to cry harder and incoherently mumbled some more stuff about feelings.

Change is coming

Politician believes what he says

Politician believes what he says - Ray-Ban

– Omaha, Nebraska – A local politician from Nebraska shocked himself last week when he realized that he actually believed some of the stuff he was saying. “It felt foreign at first,” he noted, “but I kind of just went with it. It was exhilarating. I didn’t even lie about my war history. Hoo–ah!” Local supporters seemed mixed on the turn of events. “I guess it’s good?” said one local mother of two, “I mean I like that he’s being honest. Just not sure why he kept talking about women’s wrestling.” Another man disagreed, adding, “His foreign policy left a little to be desired, but I’d follow him all the way to the wrestling ring and back.”

Change is coming

Accountant found hilarious

Accountant found hilarious - Ray-Ban

– Chicago, Illinois – According to polls, which were counted and recounted and then counted again just for fun, an accountant in Chicago, Jenna Pace, was found to be verifiably hilarious by her coworkers. “Exactly 237 fellow accountants said they found Jenna somewhere between hilarious and comical” reported a manager with Jenna’s firm. “Considering we just hired her last year, that’s a pretty solid asset for us to have in–house. Or should I say a real… return on investment,” he added, chucking to himself. Her supervisor shared the exact statistics: “86.7656% of the total office found Jenna hilarious, which is an astonishing 90.9837% above the national average. Those are very exciting numbers. Especially for someone who loves numbers as much as me. Which is a lot. I really love numbers. A lot”. “Jenna is far above the curve… she also has good curves!” laughed coworker and fellow accountant, Niles Wilford, who scored well below the national average for his humor. When asked if she was excited about her hilarity scores, Jenna instantly replied, “Does a bear with fixed assets balance his balance sheet in the woods?!” which caused the entire room to break into laughter and awkward high–fives.

Change is coming

Vacationer doesn’t post pics of vacation

Vacationer doesn't post pics of vacation - Ray-Ban

– Los Angeles, California – Authorities become concerned when reports showed that a young woman in Los Angeles, known only as “Nicole”, went on vacation in Mexico and didn’t post a single picture of her trip. “This kind of thing just doesn’t happen,” said FBI Research Specialist, Evan Cook, “Not a single selfie, margarita picture… not even one of those annoying shots of her legs on the beach, where you almost think you can see her bathing suit, but not quite. Nothing.” The odd behavior gained statewide attention and had some of her friends and family concerned. “I didn’t get to feel jealous and bitter once” said long time friend, Josh, “that’s not cool.” Her Aunt, a local injury lawyer, had this to say, “That’s just not like our Nicole. But if anyone out there has ever been injured in an accident, vehicular or at work, give me a call. I’ll get you the maximum dollar, no questions asked.”

Change is coming